Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
