tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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