i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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