Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
