I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
