Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
