I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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