So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
