You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
