Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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