I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
