i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize