i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
