Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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