worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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