it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
