Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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