i wish my penis had a tongue
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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