I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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