we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
