he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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