He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
