Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
