Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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