Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
