im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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