I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
