How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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