Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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