It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
