I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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