I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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