i think i have herpe
just one?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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