So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
