I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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