How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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