if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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