we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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