i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
