Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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