Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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