I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
