theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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