I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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