I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
