I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
