I want to stick my p in your. b.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
