If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Even my vagina gasped.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
