my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
