Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i wish there were pregnant emoticons

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  (440): i wish there were pregnant emoticons http://tfl.nu/icoh
  Replies (11) Good night (810) Bad night (3198)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.

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  (678): Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards. http://tfl.nu/o7s2
  Replies (39) Good night (1110) Bad night (5605)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.

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  (210): I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper. http://tfl.nu/rcv4
  Replies (76) Good night (4887) Bad night (2096)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.

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  (901): I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism. http://tfl.nu/eczv
  Replies (3) Good night (3215) Bad night (1360)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...

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  (615): At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board... http://tfl.nu/p8y8
  Replies (11) Good night (3463) Bad night (1239)
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  (818): View more from California

  That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth

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  (818): That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth http://tfl.nu/emd7
  Replies (9) Good night (2165) Bad night (1071)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag

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  (785): I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag http://tfl.nu/283w
  Replies (7) Good night (2746) Bad night (869)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.

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  (219): Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding. http://tfl.nu/1cjf
  Replies (13) Good night (1941) Bad night (1484)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...

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  (317): Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ... http://tfl.nu/clq5
  Replies (6) Good night (944) Bad night (1920)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next

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  (612): They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next http://tfl.nu/mqm0
  Replies (1) Good night (563) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...

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  (440): Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?... http://tfl.nu/7sdw
  Replies (7) Good night (810) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?

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  (916): Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night? http://tfl.nu/oh7z
  Replies (5) Good night (1969) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth

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  (339): I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth http://tfl.nu/gmqm
  Replies (0) Good night (482) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.

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  (306): when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future. http://tfl.nu/kqh5
  Replies (4) Good night (1279) Bad night (231)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.

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  (402): I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that. http://tfl.nu/8nt2
  Replies (3) Good night (310) Bad night (529)

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