One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold