I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.