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Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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