please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.