Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.

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  (517): sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him. http://tfl.nu/vixo
  Replies (13) Good night (3682) Bad night (765)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.

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  (503): I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats. http://tfl.nu/4me1
  Replies (32) Good night (1188) Bad night (5532)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?

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  (541): Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works? http://tfl.nu/8nc6
  Replies (26) Good night (1198) Bad night (5691)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.

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  (732): She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS. http://tfl.nu/97yj
  Replies (85) Good night (9053) Bad night (1119)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea

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  (517): drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea http://tfl.nu/z8sz
  Replies (29) Good night (3824) Bad night (1894)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.

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  (218): I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care. http://tfl.nu/yew2
  Replies (12) Good night (1180) Bad night (4917)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back

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  (503): well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back http://tfl.nu/ecfc
  Replies (5) Good night (3176) Bad night (1569)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.

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  (202): I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure. http://tfl.nu/68x5
  Replies (3) Good night (1607) Bad night (728)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.

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  (248): I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school. http://tfl.nu/b7zj
  Replies (12) Good night (2618) Bad night (729)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.

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  (615): Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place. http://tfl.nu/527t
  Replies (2) Good night (2095) Bad night (646)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon

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  (715): yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon http://tfl.nu/62g9
  Replies (7) Good night (687) Bad night (1391)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.

  (1+44): View more from

  Doesn't she keep a spare?

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.

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  (+44): You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys. (1+44): Doesn't she keep a spare? (+44): Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans. http://tfl.nu/5sic
  Replies (7) Good night (3005) Bad night (1321)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted

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  (540): I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted http://tfl.nu/dbr2
  Replies (6) Good night (1323) Bad night (516)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.

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  (603): YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP. http://tfl.nu/wagi
  Replies (6) Good night (999) Bad night (402)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...

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  (609): The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady... http://tfl.nu/kywa
  Replies (1) Good night (411) Bad night (200)

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