Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.

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  (407): He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven. http://tfl.nu/duyw
  Replies (10) Good night (902) Bad night (4121)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She looked kinda like Mario Batali?

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  (250): She looked kinda like Mario Batali? http://tfl.nu/17rh
  Replies (23) Good night (557) Bad night (2859)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.

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  (773): I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader. http://tfl.nu/8khu
  Replies (13) Good night (3920) Bad night (725)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10722) Bad night (993)
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  (530): View more from California

  Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.

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  (530): Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls. http://tfl.nu/qy86
  Replies (27) Good night (827) Bad night (7319)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.

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  (506): I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision. http://tfl.nu/nkkw
  Replies (28) Good night (4511) Bad night (1402)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan

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  (404): I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan http://tfl.nu/xldl
  Replies (14) Good night (5432) Bad night (1477)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what

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  (518): one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what http://tfl.nu/cm71
  Replies (7) Good night (2070) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.

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  (276): Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco. http://tfl.nu/65bb
  Replies (3) Good night (724) Bad night (1585)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

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  (281): In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight. http://tfl.nu/l97c
  Replies (7) Good night (2374) Bad night (1570)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?

  (714): View more from California

  I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.

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  (949): At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup? (714): I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive. http://tfl.nu/dqyc
  Replies (4) Good night (1840) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again

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  (978): No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again http://tfl.nu/wayk
  Replies (1) Good night (933) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers

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  (780): It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers http://tfl.nu/8ucr
  Replies (3) Good night (952) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.

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  (508): the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper. http://tfl.nu/4yqm
  Replies (1) Good night (1181) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.

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  (613): I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated. http://tfl.nu/yhxc
  Replies (3) Good night (1244) Bad night (490)

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