I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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