Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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