Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
