Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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