i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
