here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
