So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
