Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
