I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
