She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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