I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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