I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
