you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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